A Mind at Peace
by Pt29646
Summary: The sequel to They Walked in Beauty, a short story based on the episode, She Walked in Beauty.
1. Chapter 1

The woman stared at her reflection in the mirror and smiled, pleased with what she saw. The new cream made from sheep's placenta was working wonders for her skin - not that she really needed it - she was still very young. She smiled at herself again and turned to her lover. He stared at her with contempt. "You're really very vain, you know."

"I know - and I have reason to be." She walked towards him, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. He had such contempt for her - and for himself. He had given up everything for her - his home and family, his friends and business, his self-respect - everything. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled his lips down to hers. He kissed her passionately, but he could feel a lack of warmth in her response. He pushed her away, and she laughed.

"What's the matter, Mark? Are you regretting the choice you made?" She was taunting him, and he knew it, but still he took the bait.

"Damn you, you're no good!"

"Oh, I know that - I've known that for a long time, my dear. I let you love me, and, in return, you bought me some beautiful things. We've made a good bargain, you and I. I've been the beautiful trophy on your arm, decorated with clothes and jewelry purchased by you. Your friends are all jealous of you. They wish they had your nerve to walk away from some horse-faced wife and a bunch of whining brats."

Mark stood still with his fists clinched, wishing he could leave and go home to his wife and children. But all that was gone. Just over a year ago, he'd been content with his family and business, but then he'd seen Regan Miller across a ballroom and it had been as if lightning had struck. He'd become obsessed with her - unable to work, to eat or sleep, to do anything except think about her. Now she was his - had been his for several months - and he couldn't stand the sound of her voice. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was laughing at him. It struck him that she sounded like an animal, and he moved towards her. She looked up at him as he came closer and laughed. She kept laughing at him as he struck her with his fist. She fell and lay still for a minute. Mark stared down at her in fascination. Blood was coming out of her nose - it was broken. Soon she'd have a black eye, and she wouldn't be beautiful. Regan started to get up, but Mark hit her again and again and again.

At last it was over. Regan was quiet - no more laughter. Mark stood over her, and lifted her up. Her face was a bloody pulp. All those delicate features were gone - he'd smashed them with his fists. He shook her, but she didn't respond. He realized that she wasn't breathing - hadn't been for awhile. He'd killed her. He'd given up his whole life for her, and now he'd killed her. He carried her to their bed and laid her down. Then he went to his desk, and took out his Colt. He put the barrel in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

**...**

Sheriff Roy Coffee took the telegram from the clerk. "What is it, Davey?"

The young man swallowed. "It's a telegram from the sheriff in San Francisco. It's for Miss Amelia Miller, but I thought I'd better show it to you first."

Roy handed it back to the young man. "No, sir. This isn't the way you do your job, Davey. You know better than this."

Davey quailed and refused to take it from the Sheriff's hand. "Sir, I can't deliver news like this to Miss Miller. Not with her all by herself. Read it - you'll see what I mean."

Reluctantly, Sheriff Coffee scanned the telegram. It was bad news for Amelia Miller, and he couldn't blame Davey for not wanting to deliver it. He hated to do it himself. He folded the paper up and put it in his pocket. "All right, Davey. You go on back to work. I'll take care of it."

Davey left, and Roy walked down the street to the church. It was empty so he went next door to the parsonage. Andy Reid was pushing his sister, Joy, in a swing, but he stopped when he saw Roy and ran to greet him. "Hey, Mr. Roy!"

Roy tousled the ten-year-old's hair. "Hey there, Andy. Is your Pa home?"

Four-year-old Joy clasped the Sheriff's leg, and he swung her up on his hip. "Hey there, Pretty! How are you today?"

Reverend Dave Clayton heard the noise and came out to greet Roy. The Sheriff was a regular visitor, and the children's unofficial grandfather. "Roy, it's good to see you." He clasped Roy's hand and led him into the house. Lucy, the Reverend's pretty wife, came out of the kitchen. She was several months pregnant, and glowing with happiness. "Can you stay for dinner? I'll set an extra place."

"No, thank you, Lucy, I just need to see Dave a minute." Dave led Roy into his office and closed the door.

"What's wrong, Roy?" Roy took the folded telegram from his pocket and handed it to Dave. He read it through and signed. "Poor Miss Amelia. Was Regan her only family?"

"As far as I know. Their mother died when Regan was born, and Judge Miller died when they were - oh, I guess about thirteen and fourteen. They went to live with their Aunt Susan, the Judge's sister, and she died a few years ago. She left everything to Amelia and Regan, including her house, but Amelia's the only one who lived there. Regan lived in San Francisco - well, she made one visit home last year, but I guess Virginia City was too quiet for her. She was here for a few months, and I thought she and Hoss Cartwright might make a match, but things didn't work out, and she went back to the big city."

Dave sighed. "Does Miss Amelia know?"

Roy shook his head. "Not yet - that's why I came by for you. I was hoping you'd go out there with me when I tell her."

"Of course, but let me get Mrs. Greer to go out there with us. It might help to have another woman present."

Roy walked back to his office and got his horse. He rode back down the street, and gave Joy and Andy rides on Whiskey's back while he waited for Dave and Mrs. Greer. Lucy brought him a cup of coffee while they were waiting. "Is it bad news, Roy?"

Roy nodded, and Lucy said, "Poor thing. If there's anything she needs...anything I can do...we'd be happy to have her come stay with us for awhile if you think it would help."

Andy heard the last part of the conversation and didn't know what it was about, but he wanted to be helpful. "If somebody needs a place to stay, they can have my room, and I'll sleep on the settee."

Roy smiled as he ruffled Andy's hair. "You're a kind little fellow, Andy." He looked up as Dave drove up in the buggy with Betsey Greer.

Andy and Joy ran to greet her. "Hey, Miss Betsey! Are you here for dinner?" If Roy Coffee was the children's unofficial grandfather, Betsey Greer was their adopted grandmother. The widow of Virginia City's former minister, she had worked as Dave's housekeeper when he came to pastor the church. They were as close as mother and son, and she had played matchmaker for him and Lucy after the death of Lucy's first husband. Both of them blessed her for it.

**...**

The ride out to the Miller place was quiet as Roy, Dave, and Betsey thought about how best they could help Amelia through this difficult time. Roy had decided not to show Amelia the telegram unless she asked to see it. There was no good reason for her to know how Regan died. The man responsible for it was dead, and there was nothing to be done except to bury them.

Dave pulled the buggy to a stop in front of the Miller house, and helped Betsey down. Roy tied Whiskey off and they mounted the steps together. Amelia heard them coming, and she opened the door before they knocked. She smiled when she saw her friends. "My goodness, all three of you. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Betsey stepped forward and took her hands. "Amelia, Roy has something to tell you. May we come in and sit down?"

Amelia looked at her a little uncertainly, and then led the way to the parlor. When everyone was seated, Roy began. "Miss Amelia, I've got some bad news for you. I got a telegram from San Francisco this morning from the sheriff there. Regan - well, Miss Regan is gone."

Amelia didn't understand him at first. "Gone? Where?"

Roy looked at Dave helplessly, and the minister took over. He knelt in front of Amelia and took her hands in his. They were ice cold. "What Roy is trying to tell you, Miss Amelia, is that your sister is dead."

Amelia's face turned white as she stared into Dave's eyes. She looked at Betsey who nodded in confirmation of the news. "Regan - dead? How? She was young and healthy and strong."

Roy sighed. "She was murdered, Amelia, and the man who did it shot himself after he killed her."

Amelia hid her face in her hands. "Dear God." Betsey put her arm around Amelia's shoulders and pulled her close as the younger woman began to sob. Roy wished for the millionth time that his late wife, Mary, were here, and then he thought what Mary would do in this situation. He went to the kitchen, and made tea. It was strong and bitter, and he slopped some of it into the saucer when he carried it to Amelia. She took a sip and coughed. Roy looked so helpless she felt sorry for him, and so she drank it down.

"Why don't you come back to town with us, Amelia?" Betsey suggested. "Spend a few days with me, and you can decide what you want to do."

"I know what I have to do - I have to bring her home," said Amelia. She pleated the folds of her skirt nervously. "I have to make arrangements - no, I have to go to San Francisco to get her - she can't travel all that way alone.

"Betsey, why don't you go put a few things in a bag for Miss Amelia," Roy suggested. "She can stay with you while she makes arrangements." Betsey left the room and went to Amelia's bedroom. They could hear her moving around, taking clothes from Amelia's chest and putting them in a carpetbag.

Roy sat down next to Amelia. "Now, you listen to me, young lady, you can't go to San Francisco to get your sister. You're upset and in no shape to travel. You'll come back to town, and Dave and Betsey and Lucy and me will put our heads together to see about getting Regan home."

It had been a long time since anyone had been so direct with Amelia Miller, but she recognized that Roy spoke as a concerned friend, and she was grateful. When Betsey came out with her bag, she let Dave boost her up to the buggy's back seat. Betsey sat next to her, and the sad little party made its way back to town.

**...**

That evening Roy and Dave rode out to the Ponderosa. They helloed the house, and Ben swung the door open wide. He smiled when he saw them - he considered them dear friends - and he welcomed them inside. Adam and Little Joe were playing a game of checkers, and they looked up and smiled.

"Ben, is Hoss around?" Roy asked.

"Why, yes, he's out in the barn. One of our mares is about to foal, and Hoss wants to be there to help her."

"Well, I reckon I'll just step out there and speak to him then," said Roy. He went out to the barn while Dave stayed in the house with the rest of the Cartwrights.

The barn was dark, but Roy could just make out a dim light in one of the stalls. "Hoss? Hoss?"

"Right here, Pa," Hoss stood up and stepped out of the stall. "You got here in time to see the prettiest little lady." He recognized Roy. "Oh, sorry, Roy - I didn't realize it was you. Come here and see our new little mare."

Roy looked at the wet, spindly-legged little creature, and thought he'd never have described a newborn as pretty, but then that was Hoss Cartwright. He loved all living creatures.

"Hoss, I've got something to tell you and something to ask you."

"Well, go ahead, Roy," Hoss had picked up a handful of straw, and was wiping the newborn down with it.

"It's bad news, Hoss," he warned.

Hoss stopped wiping the foal and stepped out of the stall.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Regan Miller, Hoss - she's dead."

Hoss stared at Roy in shock, and then turned away. He was silent and then he asked, "How?"

"She was beaten to death. The man who did it shot himself - he's dead," the sheriff added quickly as Hoss turned to look at him. "The sheriff in San Francisco wired me this morning - they figure it was a lovers' quarrel."

Hoss sighed, and stood with his back to Roy, his head down.

"Dave, Betsey Greer, and I rode out and told Miss Amelia this morning. She came back to town with us, and she's staying with Betsey for a few days. The thing is, Hoss, she's got it into her head that she wants to bring Regan home."

"She can't make a trip like that by herself," Hoss muttered.

"She can't make a trip like that at all, Hoss," Roy told him. "Anyway, I was wondering if you - I'd do it if I could leave town right now, but there's a trial coming up, and I have to testify..."

"It's all right, Roy, I'll go." Hoss said.

Roy let out a deep sigh of relief. "Thank you, Hoss, I'll tell Miss Amelia." Roy went back to the house to find Dave, Ben, and Adam discussing local politics. He and the pastor left shortly after. On the ride back into Virginia City, Roy asked Dave, "Did you tell them?"

"No, not with Little Joe there - he's young and curious, and I didn't want him bothering his brother with questions. Hoss can tell them when he's ready."

**...**

It was late when Hoss came in from the barn. Adam was sitting in his blue chair reading, and he looked up as Hoss went up the stairs. He was quiet, and didn't acknowledge Adam's greeting. He read awhile longer, and then got up and went upstairs. He went to his room, built up the fire in the stove, and lit his lamp. Then he went down the hall, and tapped on Hoss's door. There was no answer. Adam knocked gently again, and, when there was no answer this time, eased the door open. "Hoss?" he whispered.

The room was dark and cold. Adam slipped inside, and could just barely make out his brother's large shape in the dim moonlight. He was standing in front of the window. "Go away, Adam."

"No, I won't leave you alone," he said. "You don't have to talk to me, but I won't leave you alone." He built up the fire in the stove, and sat down on the edge of Hoss's bed. After awhile the room began to warm up, and Hoss said, "Regan's dead, Adam."

Adam caught his breath. Of all the things he'd imagined that the sheriff would want to tell Hoss, he hadn't considered the death of Regan Miller. "What happened?"

Hoss turned around, and Adam could just make out the streaks of tears on the big man's face. Hoss made no attempt to hide them. "She was beaten to death. The man who did it shot himself. I'm glad he's dead, otherwise I might kill him. Roy said the sheriff in San Francisco figured it was a lovers' quarrel."

"I'm sorry, Hoss."

"Yeah, me, too." Hoss turned back around to the window. He stood looking out. "I'm going to get her and bring her home. It's what Miss Amelia wants, but she can't make the trip herself."

What about you, Adam thought, that's a long, sad journey for you. Aloud he said, "When do you leave?"

"First light tomorrow."

"Well, I guess you'd better get some sleep then." Adam stood up. "Good night, Hoss." He waited for a minute, but Hoss didn't respond, and Adam left him, still staring out into the darkness.

**...**

Hoss made his way quietly down the stairs. He hadn't been to bed at all, but he wasn't tired - just numb. He saw that the lamps were lit in the great room, and he looked over to see Adam sitting at the table.

"I've got the horses hitched to the wagon, Hoss. As soon as you eat breakfast, we'll be ready to go."

"What?" Hoss didn't understand.

"I thought we'd drive the wagon to Carson City, and then take the train to San Francisco." Adam explained.

"You're going with me?"

"Yeah - well, I talked to Pa about it last night, and he agreed with me that you didn't need to make this kind of trip by yourself."

"It's real nice of you, Adam, but you don't have to come with me," said Hoss.

"I know I don't have to - I want to." Adam didn't say anything else, but he didn't need to. The Cartwrights took care of each other.


	2. Chapter 2

The train pulled into the station in San Francisco, and Adam stood up and stretched. He looked over at his brother, and saw that Hoss was sound asleep. Well, that was a good thing - he knew Hoss hadn't had much rest since he'd heard the sad news about Regan. He reached over and shook Hoss's shoulder. "Wake up, we're here."

Hoss stirred, and rubbed his face. He stood up and picked up their bags, handing Adam his. They walked out of the station. "Let's get something to eat before we go see the sheriff," Adam suggested.

"I'm not hungry, Adam. I just want to get this over and done."

"You may not feel like eating, but I know you're hungry because I'm hungry. Let's go ahead and get something to eat before we do anything else."

Hoss didn't say another word - he simply followed his brother into a restaurant. When Adam placed his order, Hoss ordered the same. They sat quietly until the food came, and Adam ate while Hoss pushed the food around his plate. When the waiter brought the check, Hoss paid it. The young man noticed that Hoss had hardly touched his meal. "Sir, is there something wrong with your dinner? I can bring you something else."

Hoss shook his head. "It's fine - reckon I'm just not very hungry." He looked at Adam. "You ready?"

Adam took a last swallow of coffee and reached for his hat. "I'm ready."

**...**

Sheriff Price's office was in an imposing brick building that took up a city block. Under other circumstances, Adam would have asked for a tour and examined its details and Hoss would have been overwhelmed by its sheer size. Today, though, Adam was too concerned about Hoss to notice the building, and Hoss was too upset about Regan. They were given directions to Henry Price's office, and were greeted by a slight gray-haired gentleman. He was expecting them.

"I had a wire from Sheriff Coffee in Virginia City. He said you would be acting for the victim's sister, a Miss Amelia Miller."

"That's correct, Sheriff Price. Miss Miller asked my brother to make the trip to bring her sister's body home, and I came with him." Adam answered for Hoss.

"Well, it's just a matter of paperwork now," said the Sheriff. "I'll give you this form for the funeral home, and they'll release the body to you."

"You're sure it's Regan Miller?" Hoss's voice was soft, and the Sheriff gave him a sharp look before he answered.

"Miss Miller was well known in the city, son. We're sure." He hesitated a minute. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Hoss didn't say anything else. They completed the paperwork, and Hoss and Adam walked outside. The day was bright and sunny, and that didn't seem right to Hoss. It should have been raining and cold and miserable.

"Come on, Hoss." Adam took his arm, and they took a cab to Lord's Funeral Home. It was completely unlike the undertaker's small business in Virginia City. For one thing, it was much larger, and the coffins - caskets, they were called here - were more ornate. Adam looked around and saw a dressmaker's form wearing an outfit that was the height of fashion in mourning and a glass counter with all manner of mourning jewelry. Well, the business of death was certainly profitable in San Francisco, he thought.

"May I help you, gentlemen?" The voice was soft and low, and both men turned to see a slender young woman dressed in black addressing them.

"Yes, ma'am," said Hoss. "We're here for Miss Regan Miller."

The young woman gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, sir, but Miss Miller hasn't been prepared and dressed yet. My father just heard from Miss Amelia Miller yesterday, and we haven't finished...there was a great deal of damage..." Her voice died away.

Adam saw the sickened look on Hoss's face, and stepped in. "That's all right, Miss Lord. My brother and I will come back tomorrow. Will everything be ready then, do you think?"

Miss Lord looked relieved. "Yes, sir, that will be much better. You can rest assured that Miss Miller is receiving the very best of care. Here at Lord's we pride ourselves in using the most up-to-date techniques and offering the best service. Would you care to see some mourning bands and jewelry for gentlemen? We have the newest fashions from London."

"Thank you, no, Miss, we'll be back tomorrow." Adam took hold of Hoss's arm and led him outside. His brother's face was very pale, and he looked ill. "Are you all right?"

Hoss swallowed. "Did you hear what she said? And the sheriff? The sheriff called her a victim, and that little miss in there talked about her like she was nothing but a stuffed doll." He looked at Adam, and tears rose in his eyes. "They don't know - they don't care - she was a fine person, Adam. A beautiful woman, and she made me feel like - like I was more than a just a dumb old cowhand." He took a deep breath.

Adam put his hand on Hoss's shoulder. "Let's go to the Fairmont, and get a room. You'll feel better after you rest."

**...**

The hotel was crowded as always, but the Cartwrights were old customers, and, more important, they were wealthy. They were given one of the best rooms, and Adam made arrangements for them to use the hotel's bathing room on the same floor. Hoss went along with all his suggestions without comment, and Adam was beginning to worry. He knew that Hoss had loved Regan deeply, but he thought that the big man had gotten over it. A year after she left, he'd been quieter than usual, but gradually he'd started playing checkers with Joe, joking with the hands, and enjoying Hop Sing's cooking. In short, he'd returned to normal.

After their baths, they went to their room. Adam shaved and dressed, and was about to ask Hoss if he wanted to go out for awhile when he heard a snore. He looked around and saw that Hoss was stretched out on his bed, fully dressed and sound asleep. Adam eased his boots off, covered him with a blanket, and slipped out of the room. San Francisco was growing, and Adam enjoyed his walk. He came across a bookstore, and went inside. He loved browsing through bookstores, and this one was especially well-stocked. He lost track of the time, and when he glanced up at the clock over the clerk's desk, was shocked to see that the afternoon was almost gone. He purchased his books, and hurried back to The Fairmont.

Adam could hear Hoss snoring as he unlocked the door. He sighed in relief, sat down and began reading one of his new books. He was just thinking about waking Hoss and going out to find a steak for supper when there was a soft tap on the door. Adam opened the door to find Sheriff Price standing there.

"Mr. Cartwright, I need to speak with you and your brother."

Adam looked over at Hoss, snoring away. "We'll need a minute - I'll wake him and meet you in the lobby." Sheriff Price agreed and went downstairs.

Adam gently shook Hoss's shoulder. "Hoss, Hoss, wake up. The Sheriff is here and needs to speak with us about something." Hoss got up, pulled on his boots, and washed his face. They went downstairs and found Sheriff Price waiting for them. He seemed ill at ease. "I'm sorry to bother you, gentlemen, but something has come to my attention about Miss Miller. It was something that she kept secret from nearly everyone she knew."

Adam and Hoss looked at each other. "Go ahead and tell us, Sheriff."

"I think it might be easier if I show you." Sheriff Price stood up and walked over to a large wing chair that faced away from them. A young woman stood up with a tiny boy in her arms. Adam did a double-take when he saw the child's face. The years rolled back for an instant, and he was staring at a baby Hoss - the blue eyes, the blonde hair, the sturdy build, the sweet expression - everything was the same. He drew in a breath. "Hoss?"

At the sound of the name, the boy smiled and reached for him. The young woman introduced him. "This is Eric, Miss Miller's son. Well, his real name is Eric, but Miss Miller called him Hoss after his father." She set the little boy down, and, holding her finger, he toddled over to Adam and grabbed his leg. He looked up at his uncle and gave him a snaggle-toothed grin. Adam smiled down at the child, scooped him up, and cuddled him.

Hoss seemed stunned. "Regan had a baby? But why didn't she tell me? I'd have come for her, cared for her - for both of them."

"Mr. Cartwright, I'm Louise Smith, Hoss's nurse, but I was a friend to Regan as well - and she didn't have many friends." She paused, searching for the right words. "I don't pretend to understand her actions, but she told me if anything ever happened to her to write to you, that you were the baby's father and you could be trusted to do right by him. I think you were the only man she ever trusted."

Adam handed the baby to Hoss, and turned to the nanny. "We plan to take Regan home to Virginia City tomorrow. Can you be ready to travel then?"

Louise looked surprised. "Mr. Cartwright, I can't go with you. I have family here in San Francisco." She indicated a small trunk and bag. "I packed his things, and his bottles and diapers are in the bag. He's a good baby - you won't have any trouble with him." She took little Hoss into her arms, gave him a hug and a kiss, and said goodbye. She left without looking back.

Adam looked at Sheriff Price. "Is she legitimate?"

Henry Price knew what he meant. "Yes, her father had a small notions store until he became too sick to run it. Louise was training to be a teacher, but she quit school and went to work to help him. Miss Miller heard about her through a friend, and hired her to be the baby's nurse. Louise was glad to get that kind of job since she could stay at home and care for her father. The boy lived with Miss Smith and her father - Miss Miller couldn't keep him with her."

Adam shouldered the trunk, and picked up the bag. Sheriff Price gave him a sympathetic look. "I can ask around and see if there's a woman who might be wiling to travel to Virginia City to care for the baby."

They heard a cooing sound and looked around. Hoss was cuddling his son, and talking to him. Adam grinned. "Thank you, Sheriff Price, but I think we'll be all right."

Sheriff Price watched the big man with the little boy for a minute. "You may be right, Mr. Cartwright. Well, let me know if I can do anything before you leave." Saying goodbye, he left the brothers in the hotel lobby.

**...**

Adam had arranged to get a small spirit lamp to heat the baby's bottle and borrow a crib from the hotel. He watched as Hoss fed his son and then rocked him to sleep. Little Hoss had fussed, missing his nurse, but Hoss had been able to soothe him and get him to take his bottle. It had been a long time since either man had been around a baby, and both had forgotten - if they'd ever known - how much care one took. They took turns rocking and walking the child. Finally, Adam tried singing an old lullaby that he'd learned from Inger and had sung to Hoss and then Joe. It worked and the baby went to sleep. Adam sat up with him, afraid to move from the chair, afraid of waking him. He glared at Hoss, sound asleep in his bed and snoring. He finally dozed off himself, with Eric - Little Hoss - lying on his shoulder. He woke up to find Hoss lifting the baby off him and putting him in the borrowed crib. Hoss saw that Adam was awake, and put a finger to his lips. Adam gratefully moved to his bed, and stretching out, fell asleep immediately.

They were awakened early by the baby's cries. Adam prepared a bottle while Hoss walked Little Hoss up and down the room, cooing to him. Adam handed Hoss the bottle.

"It isn't too hot, is it, Adam? We don't want to burn him." Hoss cautioned him.

Adam was tired and his back hurt. "Hoss, it's fine. I know how to fix a baby's bottle. I did it for you and I did it for Joe, and I know I can do it for him. Just give him the bottle."

Hoss sat down and put the bottle in his wailing son's mouth. Adam blessed the silence that followed. "He's definitely your son. Just feed him and he stops fussing."

Hoss ignored the jibe, and Adam went back to bed to try to get a little more sleep.

The next morning Adam left Hoss and the baby at the hotel while he went to Lord's Funeral Home to see to the transportation of the casket holding Regan Miller to the train. He was greeted once again by Miss Lord.

"Good morning, Mr. Cartwright. Miss Miller is ready for her journey. Would you like to view her before we close the casket?" Before he could tell her "no," Miss Lord took his arm and led him to a back room. He stared down at the woman in the casket. There was faint resemblance to the beautiful woman he'd known. The ruin of her face had been complete, and even the mortician's art had been unable to restore any part of her beauty. He swallowed and stepped back, thanking God that Hoss hadn't come with him. Miss Lord didn't seem to notice his distress.

"Now, since you have some distance to travel with her, we've embalmed her using the newest techniques developed in England. Her preservation should last for several weeks. Miss Amelia Miller approved everything and wired funds to cover all costs. I have the bill for you to look over and approve."

The conversation was making Adam sick, and he swallowed hard. He followed Miss Lord over to a desk, and pretended to examine the bill she handed him. He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "I'm sure all is in order, Miss Lord. How soon can you have the - Miss Miller taken to the depot?"

"We have only to close the lid, place it in a wooden box, and send it over. We have our own staff to deliver our clients to their destinations. In Miss Miller's case, that will be the train station." She smiled at Adam, and he wondered how such a pretty young girl could enjoy working in - what seemed to him - such a gruesome occupation.

He thanked her and left. On the way back to the hotel he stopped by the bookstore again. This time he purchased several cloth books for his nephew. He and Hoss had opened the baby's trunk and bag the evening before. The child had enough dresses, but no books or toys. He'd decided to take care of that situation while he was out. With the bag of books in hand, he stopped by another store and purchased a stuffed bunny for Eric - Little Hoss. Satisfied with his purchases, he returned to the hotel.

Hoss and his son were waiting in the lobby for Adam with their bags and the baby's trunk packed. Hoss had paid their bill and purchased more milk and cereal for Little Hoss. They took a cab to the station. Adam held Little Hoss while Hoss saw to the placement of crate holding Regan in her casket in the baggage car. When it was done to his satisfaction, Hoss returned, and Adam noted the sad expression on his face. He stood up and handed the baby to him. Little Hoss reached out and grabbed his father's nose. Hoss brightened immediately. "That's quite a grip you've got there, little fellow."

They found their seats and Hoss sat next to the window with Little Hoss on his lap. Adam bought a newspaper, and was reading it when Hoss asked, "Adam, do you think Miss Amelia will welcome him? I mean, Regan and I weren't married and she might not want anyone to know Regan had a child."

Adam put the paper down, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He hadn't considered how anyone in Virginia City or on the Ponderosa would feel about an illegitimate child. Would they accept him? And how would it affect him later? He sighed and looked at Hoss. "I don't know, Hoss. I look at him, and I see you when you were a baby. I know he's your son and my nephew, and I can't imagine not accepting him, not welcoming him into our family., not loving him. I think Pa will accept him, but I don't know about Miss Amelia." He opened his bag and took out the bunny and books he'd purchased that morning. "That reminds me - I got him a couple of things while I was out this morning." He waggled the bunny at Little Hoss, and the baby smiled and grabbed it. He immediately put one of its ears in his mouth and began gumming it.

Little Hoss proved to be a pretty good traveler, and the bunny and books were a good distraction for him. The train was almost empty on its last leg to Carson City, and they put the baby down and let him toddle and crawl up and down the aisle. One man observed, "That floor is filthy. I can't believe you're letting that child crawl on it."

Hoss looked down at his son, happy to be moving around for a change. "He'll wash up fine, mister." The man looked up - and up - at Hoss, and decided to keep any further comments to himself.

They reached Carson City early the next morning. Adam went to the livery to get their horses and wagon while Hoss took Little Hoss to the barber. The man had just opened up for business when he saw Hoss coming in with the baby. "I've never cut the curls of one that young, mister," joked the barber.

"I need to clean him up a bit, and I wondered if you had some warm water and a tub or pail I could use." The barber had children of his own, and was happy to accommodate Hoss. He found a small tub that would do. He filled it with water while Hoss undressed Eric. He put the baby in the tub and laughed as the child squealed and splashed. The barber handed Hoss some soap. "Try this on the young fellow there - it's what my wife uses on our children. She says that it's better for their skin." Hoss looked at the small cake of french-milled soap and thanked the man. He bathed Little Hoss carefully, and then dried him off. After dressing him, he bought several cakes of soap from the barber and they went back to the station. Adam had their bags, the trunk, and the box with Regan loaded in the back of the wagon by the time they got there.

"Oh, Adam, you should have waited for me to help you get all this done." Hoss protested.

"I had plenty of help, Hoss. Don't worry." He looked at his clean, smiling nephew and grinned. "Someone's had a bath."

Hoss smiled at his little boy. "Yeah - ain't he cute? Don't he smell good?"

Adam laughed, and slapped the reins across the horses' backs.

**...**

"Pa, do you think Adam and Hoss will be home today?" Joe asked.

"I don't know, son. It depends on what all they had to do to have Regan's body released to them." Ben was working at his desk. He was worried about what the trip would do to Hoss, in spite of Adam's presence.

Joe sighed, and his father looked up. "Are you tired of doing their chores along with yours?"

"No, sir, I don't mind it - not really. I'm just worried about..." His voice died away.

"You're worried about Hoss?"

"Yes, sir. I know we couldn't all go and that Adam was a better choice than me - I just wish I knew how Hoss was doing." Joe couldn't sit still any longer, and he went outside to the barn. He began to clean Hoss's tack, and when he finished it, he moved on to clean Adam's tack and then Ben's. Finally, he cleaned his own. He heard the sound of a wagon outside, and went running out, hoping it was Hoss and Adam.

He started to yell a greeting, but Adam stopped him. "Shhh, Joe, don't wake him." Adam began to climb down from the wagon. Joe noticed that he was stiff, and offered him a hand to help him down. I'm getting old, Adam thought ruefully, accepting Joe's help. He reached up to take a bundle from Hoss who climbed down. "Is Pa inside?" Adam asked.

"Sure, Pa's been working on the books today." Joe looked at the bundle - and looked again. "Where'd you get the baby, Adam?"

"It's a long story, Joe, and we need to talk to Pa." Hoss said. He took the baby from Adam and walked towards the house.

"I'll take care of the horses and put the wagon away, Adam." Joe offered.

"No, we have to take Miss Regan to Miss Amelia's. We came here directly, Joe." Adam left his brother and followed Hoss into the house. He walked in to find his father staring down at the sleeping baby. Hoss had laid the child on the settee.

"He looks just like you did when you were that age, Hoss," Ben said. "Is he walking yet?"

"Some, but he's still crawling, too," Hoss said.

"Does Amelia know about him?" Ben asked.

"No, we came straight here from Carson City," Adam said. "We weren't sure how Miss Amelia would feel about the baby."

"Well, son, I guess we'll need to find out." He started to call Hop Sing, but the housekeeper came into the room before he made a sound. He came over to the settee, and looked down at the child. "I'll get Joe's old crib out and clean it up. It will be ready for him tomorrow. Tonight I'll make a pallet for him in your room, Hoss." Hop Sing smiled at his favorite Cartwright. "It's been too long since we had a baby in the house. Your son will bring new life and spirit to the family."

Hop Sing took the bag with the bottles and diapers into the kitchen. In a second he was back. "I'll keep your son while you take Miss Regan home." He picked up the baby and carried him back to the kitchen.

Joe unloaded their bags and trunk from the wagon, and saddled Buck and Cochise. Adam and Hoss climbed back up for the last part of their drive. Ben and Joe mounted Buck and Cochise and the Cartwrights rode to the Miller farm. When they got there, Betsey Greer came out to greet them. She smiled when she saw them. "We were hoping you would get here today."

Ben and Joe dismounted while Adam and Hoss climbed down from the wagon. "How is Miss Amelia feeling?" Ben asked.

"She's much better - Dave and Lucy Clayton are with her now. Can you bring the - um - into the parlor?" Adam used a crowbar to pry the lid off the box protecting the casket, and then pulled out the nails on the end of the box. Slowly, carefully, he slid the casket out to Joe, Hoss, and Ben. The men carried the casket into the parlor and set it on the sawhorses placed there for that purpose. Amelia stood watching them.

"Thank you, Hoss, for all you've done. I know it was very difficult. Adam, thank you."

"Miss Amelia, I need to speak to you alone. I've got something to tell you." Hoss's tone was serious, and Amelia led him into her study and closed the door.

"Miss Amelia, Regan had a baby - a little boy. Adam and I brought him home with us. He's out at the Ponderosa now. His name is Eric."

"Oh, Hoss," Amelia sighed. "I didn't know - well, I can make arrangements for the child to be adopted and no one will ever know."

"Uh - you don't understand, Miss Amelia - Eric - Little Hoss - is my son - mine and Regan's. He isn't going to be adopted by anyone."

"You and Regan? I didn't realize that things had gone that far between you," Amelia said. Hoss stiffened, but she was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice.

"I didn't know about the baby, ma'am. If I had, I'd have gone to San Francisco and taken care of Regan and him."

"I believe you, Hoss." Amelia put her head in her hands. "It's too much to take in. I've got to have some time. I'm very grateful for all you've done, but - please, leave me now."

Hoss did as she asked. The Cartwrights took their leave and headed for home. When they got there, Joe took the horses into the barn while Adam, Hoss, and Ben went inside. Hoss told Adam and Ben about his brief conversation with Amelia Miller. Ben sat back in his chair and sighed. "She's had a lot to take in over the last week, Hoss. I guess we can't fault her for wanting some time to digest this new turn."

Just then Hop Sing came in with the baby. He was holding Hop Sing's finger as they walked towards Hoss. His new bunny was in his other hand. He stopped and stared at Ben. Ben smiled down at him. "Can you come say hello to your Grandpa?" The toddler stared at Ben, and then smiled. He let go of Hop Sing's finger, dropped to all fours, and crawled to Ben. He grabbed Ben's leg and pulled himself up. Ben picked him up and sat him in his lap. He cuddled the child and smiled. "It's been too long since I've had a boy in my lap."

Joe came in just as Hop Sing announced that supper was ready, and they all took their seats around the table. Platters of chicken and dumplings, stewed tomatoes, and beans were on the table. From his chair Hoss could see into the kitchen, and he watched Hop Sing sit down with Little Hoss in his lap. He began to feed the baby mashed up tomatoes and dumplings. Hoss noticed that his boy was eating with a good appetite. Joe saw Hoss staring into the kitchen, and he turned around and saw Hop Sing feeding the baby. He smiled at his older brother. "Tomorrow I'll get my old high chair out and clean it up for him, Hoss."

"Thanks, Joe," Hoss was relieved. His family had accepted his son without question. He knew the boy would grow up knowing the right kind of love, the right way of being wanted and valued. For the first time in months, his mind was at peace.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two months since Hoss and Adam had brought Regan Miller home, two months since she had been buried next to her Aunt Susan, two months since Hoss had told Amelia Miller about Regan's son. His son. The Cartwrights were sitting in the great room, enjoying their Sunday afternoon. Ben was reading his newspaper, and Hoss and Joe were playing checkers. Little Hoss was sitting with his Uncle Adam, showing him the pictures in one of the little cloth books Adam had purchased for him. As he pointed to each picture, Adam would say its name. The baby watched his uncle's mouth move, and Adam exaggerated the pronunciation, hoping the little boy would try to say the word.

Little Hoss was walking more than crawling now, but he wasn't talking much beyond "uh-oh" and "bye-bye." Ben, Adam, and Joe were each hoping that his first real word would be Grandpa, Adam, or Joe, respectively. Although they hadn't had the nerve to let Hoss know, they had made a small bet on which name he would say first. Hoss had caught each man coaching the baby on his name, and had said each time, "He's going to talk when he's ready to talk - you can't force it." And each time the one caught agreed, and then began coaching the child again as soon as Hoss was out of sight.

There was a knock on the door, and Joe got up to answer it. Amelia Miller stood there. "Good afternoon, Joe. Is Hoss here?"

"Yes, ma'am, he's right here. Please come in." Joe opened the door wider and stepped back as Amelia entered. All the Cartwright men rose, and Ben asked her to sit down. "Would you care for some tea?" he asked.

"No, thank you, Ben. I just wanted to speak with Hoss." She saw the child in Adam's arms. "Is that Regan's son?"

Hoss was polite but firm when he answered. "He's **my** son, Miss Amelia. Mine and Regan's." Ben, Adam, and Joe immediately sat down. They weren't sure why Amelia Miller had come to see Hoss, but they were going to support him. Hop Sing entered soundlessly, took the baby from Adam, and went back to the kitchen.

"I'm not here to cause you any trouble, Hoss. Even if I were inclined to play mother - which I'm not - I respect your position as Eric's natural father. I know that with your own father's example before you, you'll make Eric a fine father just as you'd have made Regan a fine husband." She stopped speaking and opened her big bag. She took out a sheaf of papers and handed them to Hoss. "This is a copy of my new will. I'm making Eric my heir, formally recognizing him as Regan's child. I need to know his full name, though. It's nothing against you, but I am not going to leave everything to someone named "Little Hoss." What is his full name - officially?" She pulled out a small notebook and pen, and waited.

All four Cartwrights stared at her. Whatever they'd expected, this wasn't it. Hoss was the first to recover. "His name is Eric Miller Cartwright. That's how we entered him in Pa's family Bible."

Amelia made a note of it. "Good. Now what is his date of birth?"

"December 18, 1862." Amelia made another note. "Hmm, his birthday is in just a few days." She pulled a gift from her bag and handed it to Hoss. "I'd planned to give him this as a Christmas present, but I'll get him something else. This will be his birthday gift."

Hoss took the gift. "Miss Amelia, we - I - never expected anything like this. I'm glad you're going to recognize him and that you want to be a part of his life, but..."

"But nothing, Hoss. Now if it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to meet my nephew."

Joe jumped up and ran into the kitchen. He was back in a minute with the baby. "Little Hoss - um, Eric, I'd like you to meet your Aunt Amelia." He put the baby down in Amelia's lap. Little Hoss straightened his back and stared up at the strange lady in the big bonnet. She stared back at him. "I am your Aunt Amelia, Eric. Can you say 'Aunt Amelia'? No, I don't suppose you can talk yet," she said, answering her own question.

"He's walking real good, Miss Amelia," Joe said, not wanting the child's aunt to think he was lacking in intelligence. "And he's real smart in other ways."

"Hmm," said Amelia. She put the baby down on the floor, and took her gift from Hoss. She put it down next to the child. "That is your birthday gift, Eric. If you wish, you may open it."

The little boy stared at it for a minute, and then pulled at the paper. It made a wonderful tearing sound, and he continued to pull and tear at it until the gift was unwrapped.

"Why look at that, Little Hoss - Eric, Miss Amelia - your Aunt Amelia brought you a box of blocks. You'll have fun with those." Hoss turned the box over and emptied the blocks onto the floor. Little Hoss glanced at them, and then began to shake and crumple the wrapping paper. The noise was delightful, and he giggled.

"No, Little Hoss, look - this is your gift - the blocks, not the paper," Joe took the paper away from his nephew and handed him a block. The child pushed out his lower lip and frowned at him. He looked so much like his father that Joe laughed. Little Hoss was good natured, but Joe had pushed him too far. He threw the block at Joe and hit him in the head. Joe yelped, and dropped the paper. Little Hoss grabbed it and shook and rattled it. Joe reached out to take the paper away again, and felt his wrist caught in a vise-like grip. He looked up at Hoss.

"Leave him alone, Joe," Hoss ordered. "If he wants to play with the paper, let him play with the paper. Miss Amelia understands about little ones." He looked at her, hoping it was true. He needn't have worried. Amelia had lowered herself from the settee to the floor, and was playing with the baby's new blocks. She put one on top of another until she had a stack. Little Hoss stopped shaking the paper and watched her. After a few minutes he began handing her blocks to add to the stack. She thanked him. When he thought the stack was high enough, he pushed it over. He and Amelia both laughed to see it fall. He began handing her the blocks to stack up again. They played through the afternoon until Hop Sing came in and announced that supper was ready.

"Oh, my goodness! I didn't mean to stay so long. I'm very sorry," Amelia began gathering up the hairpins that had fallen from her hair while she played with the baby.

"I've set a place for you, Miss Miller," said Hop Sing. "You must stay and eat."

Hoss caught her under her arms and lifted her to her feet. He offered her his arm, and seated her on Ben's right at the table. Adam put Little Hoss in his high chair which was placed between Hoss and himself. Joe looked at Amelia and said, "They won't let the baby sit next to me - Hoss said I was teaching him bad manners."

"That's right, little brother, you were," said Hoss as he tied a bib around the baby's neck.

Hop Sing brought platters of food to the table and a bowl of applesauce for Little Hoss. He handed the baby his spoon. Little Hoss put it down and looked at his grandfather. Ben looked at the baby and folded his hands. The baby copied him, bowing his head as Ben did, and then closing his eyes as Ben asked the blessing. Amelia watched him in amusement. The prayer said, Little Hoss picked up his spoon and began eating his applesauce while the rest of the family passed the platters around. She watched as Hoss and Adam mashed up small portions of vegetables and fed them to the baby, each man coaxing him to try new foods.

For the first time since she'd learned of Regan's death, Amelia enjoyed a meal. She ate more than she usually did, partly because she didn't notice that she was eating. It was funny - and touching - to see two big strong men like Hoss and Adam so involved with the child. She'd been sure of her decision, but this afternoon spent with the Cartwrights confirmed it. Her nephew - Regan's child - was growing up in a loving home.

When supper was over, the family sat at the table talking until the grandfather clock struck seven times. "I must leave," said Amelia. "I've enjoyed this afternoon so much, though. Thank you for supper."

Joe jumped up. "Wait, Miss Amelia, I'll saddle Cochise, and take you home. You shouldn't go by yourself after dark."

Amelia was stunned. "I'll have you know that I go many places alone before and after dark."

"That was before you became 'Aunt Amelia,'" said Joe. He dashed outside before she could object. Adam gathered her papers while Ben helped her into her cape and bonnet. "No, don't come outside, Hoss," she said. "It's too cold for Little Hoss - Eric, I mean. Give me a kiss goodbye, darling," she said to her nephew. The little boy leaned over his father's arm and licked her cheek. He waved a tiny hand, "Bye bye, Ammie."

"What?!" Hoss, Ben, and Adam stared at him in surprise.

Hoss laughed a little ruefully. "He hasn't called me 'Pa' yet, and he's called you by name."

The little boy patted his father's cheek, and said, "Papa," as Joe came back inside for Amelia. They tried to get Little Hoss repeat his new words for Joe, but he just sat on his father's arm and smiled at them. After a few minutes they gave up, and Joe boosted Amelia into her buggy. He'd tied Cochise off on the back. Joe had always been a little afraid of Amelia, but that afternoon he'd seen a completely different side of her. He began to talk to her about the Ponderosa and horses, and Amelia realized that she'd underestimated the young man. He was practical and articulate, and very knowledgeable about the Ponderosa's business, especially its horses.

When they reached the Miller farm, Joe pulled up in front of the house, and got out. He lifted Amelia down, walked her into her house, and waited while she lit a lamp. "I'll go put the horse and buggy up, Miss Amelia. Good night."

Amelia hesitated. "Joe, it's very kind of you, but you don't need to do all this for me. I can do everything for myself. I always have."

Joe turned and looked at her. "Maybe you did, Miss Amelia, before you became Aunt Amelia, but you're part of the Cartwright clan now, and we take care of each other." He winked at her and turned to lead her horse and buggy to the barn.


End file.
